I recently had to ask a friend of mine who is a mother of three if she ever felt like she didn’t want to hang with her kids. She said “of course, all the time”.
I said f I was needing to do my own thing (work, train, or just be alone for a moment) and I know they’re having fun, and in a safe and positive situation then I was comfortable.
When my girls were babies I had the intense inner drive to be with them all the time. I wanted them to find their anchor so that as they get older they would be able to branch out from that solid ground. The confusing and often guilt ridden emotions I have experienced (like so many Moms) is why do I go through days where I don’t want to hang out with them every second. It feels like you have spent so much energy and now you are trying to “re charge” yourself. You, as a person, a woman, a professional, a partner, and yes, even as a Mom.
I really have no idea what I’m doing. Short of loving them, making them safe, being truthful with them, and feeding them good food, I tell my husband I don’t know what I’m doing. I think it’s really human and OK to have these feelings. I have started to learn that even when I do want a little space that it is so critical that when I am with the girls that I am PRESENT. I’m listening and looking right at them.
So, maybe it’s a juggling act of stealing your own moments when you can, but really letting them know you’re there when you are together.
It’s like that for me in my marriage. Listen, I don’t want to hang out with anyone all day, but I appreciate that Laird is with me when he is there physically. I don’t feel like he’s distracted or yessing me to death while watching a sporting event. We talk, and even if it’s for an hour the time is rich.
We all do the best we can, but if you can be there when you are together that is priceless. It’s possible our kids don’t want to be with us every second either. They just want to know Mommy and Daddy listen to me, and treat me with respect too.